Too tall, too short, too dark, too light, too skinny, too fat. Too this, too that:
One of the greatest problems relationships have these days bothers on complex. Complex about how we are and how we are not; what we are and what we are not; what we have and what we have not. We hate people laughing around us because we feel they are laughing at the way we are; we are afraid to mingle or participate in certain kinds of activities, because we are too timid to be ourselves. A lot of us carry this behavior into our relationship(s), such that we are unnecessarily cautious and touchy with people we love:
He didn’t talk to me like that because of what I did wrong,
he just can’t stand my size (or my looks)…everybody hates
me. Am just not good enough…
If you feel this way, don’t bother about going into a relationship yet. Let us deal with that complex before it destroys both you and every other thing you love, cherish and encounter.
Most of the times we feel that people treat us the way they do, because of the way we are, or because of the things we are not, so we build a defense for ourselves, which culminates into aggression that most times are misplaced. Once the greatest appraisal of yourself is based on people's opinion of you, you will always take the backdoor even when you are not asked to; and even when there is no back door, you will create one, big enough to contain you.
Now you want to be like somebody else, because you feel/believe that it will make you more acceptable to people.
It is not about whom people think you are
It is not even about who you think you are
It is about what God can make you-Ogo’s nuggets
So how about paying more attention to what God thinks of you?
If God would let us take a small peep into the future, we will be shocked to discover how perfectly the way we are, fits into His plan for our lives. So anytime you try to do something to change the way you are just because you are ashamed of it, you are actually saying that God is not as wise as He says He is. You will always get into trouble when you try to be somebody else, and anyone that tries to reduplicate himself/herself or anyone else in you, does not attach value to who/what God has made you.
You have a complex problem when you
cannot celebrate yourself; when you feel
that everyone is better than you are. Soon,
if you don’t already, you will hate yourself,
then you will begin to blame God-Ogo’s nuggets
Instead of trying to change how God has created us, perhaps we should work and pray to change, by the constantly renewing of our minds, certain characters and traits that we have, which are unacceptable to God, and are potential destroyers of our relationships.
…and be not conformed to this world:
but be ye transformed by the renewing
of your mind, that ye may prove what is
that good, and acceptable, and perfect will
of God. Rom 12:2 (KJV)
Let us build ourselves to the level where we become trustworthy and reliable, then you will be in yourself a MIRACLE; and believe it or not, a miracle no matter the imperfections it may seem to have, is still a miracle, and someone will love you enough to sincerely thank God for his/her miracle, despite those things you see as flaws-Ogo’s nuggets
Anyone that cannot stand the way you are neither understands nor appreciates the wisdom of God in your life; and if you continue to hang out with them, they will eventually kill the very essence of God in you.
He that walketh with the wise men shall be wise:
But the companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Prov.13: 20(KJV)
Stop associating with people who are ashamed of the way you are, what you are, how you are, or what you do (as long as it is godly), because you will continue to feel inadequate, as though you have to be like them to be acceptable or respectable.
Anyone who doesn’t attach value to who you are
or how you are, does not deserve your companionship
because he will definitely derail you from the plan and
purpose of God for your life-Ogo’s nuggets
More so, all you ever need in this world to be successful, is God’s approval. Once you have that, nothing else matters. Never wish you were somebody else. Do not exchange the Michael Jackson that God has made you for an equally imperfect Elizabeth Taylor. Stay dark if you were born dark. Do not starve yourself to death because you want to be as skinny as Celine. Stay away from those drugs you are taking in order to alter certain things about yourself. Feel good about yourself. God is all knowing! Do well not to challenge Him.
Be bold, be strong for the Lord your God is with you, raring the GIANT in you. Let that giant grow for God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound mind.
Oh what a wonderful God we have!
How great are his wisdom and knowledge
and riches! How impossible it is for us to
understand his decisions and his methods!
For who among us can know the mind of
the Lord? Who knows enough to be his
counselor and guide? And who could ever
offer to the Lord enough to induce him to
act? For everything comes from God alone.
Everything lives by his power, and everything
is for his glory. To him be glory evermore.
Rom 11:33-36(Living Bible)
He that will climb to bring down the coconut must first count himself deserving. CELEBRATE YOURSELF! You are all you have got.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
WHAT TIME IS IT?
What time is it
To a lot of people, marriage is the last bus stop; a sensitive stage of life that is like a bondage you cannot be delivered from: Once you are in, you are in- there is no coming out. So we decide right from a very early stage in life, that we will not venture into marriage and its commitments, until we are READY to be married. Till then, we can do just ANYTHING we like, hoping that mystic Mr. Marriage will clean up our act and make us RESPONSIBLE husbands, wives, and parents. Those already pushing 35/40 do not even bother about all that; they just have got to be married.
How about beginning from the very beginning. Let us start from the basics…Truthfully; marriage is not the last bus stop. It is just one of the bus stops in the cycle called relationship (from this point on, you need the help of the spirit of God to read between the lines). People go into marriage with a lot of junk-: “Do not tell your husband your past mistakes, especially if it affected your womb” (the devil will never tell you that it is just a matter of time before your husband finds out); “Do not tell your wife how much you are worth (or earning)”. People that operate in this mindset had it long before they were married, or they were initiated into it, because they did not know any better. More often than not, the flaws we experience in marriages are actually the same flaws we had as single people in relationship.
We ought to be getting wiser now. Time has passed when one is considered responsible by virtue of how he looks, what he wears or drives. Responsibility is also not synonymous with marriage. It is not a stranger that bumps into you at I do’s doorstep, or a wrapped gift that piles up with the other gifts at your marriage reception. It is a training process that has to begin and prepare you for marriage. Responsibility is not just being able to take care of the needs of your spouse and children, it is the maturity to know when to do what you ought to do and how to do them; the maturity to know that you should not cheat, molest, or abuse your spouse in any way thinkable or unthinkable.
BACK TO THE SUBJECT:
One thing that is a constant so far is that relationship (no matter at what level or bus stop) is in itself a responsibility, not just something that comes with responsibilities. You have to be prepared for it; else you will wreck a lot of lives, and ultimately your own.
You must not be in a relationship if you cannot handle it. It is not a trial and error situation. We seem to have found the right phrases to justify our irresponsibility these days: “I will keep trying till I find the right person” And sometimes the cost of this is a lot of earthquakes, floods, hurricane, and explosions generally; or “we just want to try and see if it will work out “. And sometimes I wonder why it takes 3 abortions, a lot of cheating and a lot of mess to find out that “you are in fact not made for each other”.
NOTE
Abortion is not just a woman thing, the guys are as involved and as guilty as the ladies. Think about it.
You are not ready for a relationship, merely because, you are old enough to be in one.
Age is just a numeric appellation, used to distinguish those who were born in a particular year or period, from those who were not.
WHEN ARE YOU READY?
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not
first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough
money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is
not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him,
saying, this fellow began to build and was not able to finish.
Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king.
Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with
Ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with
Twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation
while the other is a long way off and will ask for terms of peace…
Luke 14: 28-33 (NIV).
Or rather, when are you not ready?
- If you are in a relationship because all your friends are, then you are not ready.
- If you are in a relationship because that is what is expected of you, then you are not
ready.
- If you seek a personal relationship with people to whom you are only connected to in
public life, you are not ready. Relationship is not a distraction and it is not business as
usual-Try not to be so gullible- (hey! I might be wrong, but think about it).
- If you feel you know it all and you do not need a guide, you are not ready.
- If you are mama’s boy or daddy’s girl, and relationship to you is simply how your family
sees it, you are not ready.
- If it all depends on your folks and their choice, you are not ready.
- If you have a lust problem, and you lack self-control; and you feel there is nothing wrong
with it, you are not ready.
- If you do not see the other person as being worth all the trouble and sacrifice, you are not
ready.
- If you cannot just stop thinking about yourself only, you are not ready.
- If you have a complex problem, and you think that is the way things should be, you are
not ready –No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Booker .T.
Washington.
- If you believe that it is safer to lie to your spouse, in order not to lose him/her, you are not
ready. “What you compromise to get, you might ultimately lose”.
- If you cannot get over past mistakes and traumas, if you are just looking for a cushion to
rest on after a broken heart, you are not ready.
- If you learn to love from the world, you will love like the world-:“If you cannot abstain,
use condom”; “Expand your horizon, meet more people then take your pick”; “Though
Frank has agreed to marry you, hold unto Tony, till Frank says “I do” at the altar, just in
case”. If you have this mindset, you are not ready.
God is the creator and founder of relationship-If you must enjoy a fulfilling relationship, then you must renew your mind and “learn of Him” (Mathew 11:29-30). You are not ready until you can see relationships as He does. At least, start out in the path, by then you can tell what time it is.
Pay all your debts except the debt of love for others-
never finish paying that! For if you love them, you
will be obeying all of God’s laws, fulfilling all His requirements. If you love your
neighbor as much as
you love yourself you will not want to harm or
Cheat him, or kill him or steal from him. And you
won’t sin with his wife or want what is his, or do
anything else the Ten Commandments Say is wrong.
All ten are wrapped up in this one, to love your neighbor
as you love yourself. Love does no wrong to anyone.
That’s why it fully satisfies all of God’s requirements.
It is the law you need-Romans 13:8-10 (Living Bible)
Remember the coconut! It is of no use to you, until it is mature. See you in the next edition.
To a lot of people, marriage is the last bus stop; a sensitive stage of life that is like a bondage you cannot be delivered from: Once you are in, you are in- there is no coming out. So we decide right from a very early stage in life, that we will not venture into marriage and its commitments, until we are READY to be married. Till then, we can do just ANYTHING we like, hoping that mystic Mr. Marriage will clean up our act and make us RESPONSIBLE husbands, wives, and parents. Those already pushing 35/40 do not even bother about all that; they just have got to be married.
How about beginning from the very beginning. Let us start from the basics…Truthfully; marriage is not the last bus stop. It is just one of the bus stops in the cycle called relationship (from this point on, you need the help of the spirit of God to read between the lines). People go into marriage with a lot of junk-: “Do not tell your husband your past mistakes, especially if it affected your womb” (the devil will never tell you that it is just a matter of time before your husband finds out); “Do not tell your wife how much you are worth (or earning)”. People that operate in this mindset had it long before they were married, or they were initiated into it, because they did not know any better. More often than not, the flaws we experience in marriages are actually the same flaws we had as single people in relationship.
We ought to be getting wiser now. Time has passed when one is considered responsible by virtue of how he looks, what he wears or drives. Responsibility is also not synonymous with marriage. It is not a stranger that bumps into you at I do’s doorstep, or a wrapped gift that piles up with the other gifts at your marriage reception. It is a training process that has to begin and prepare you for marriage. Responsibility is not just being able to take care of the needs of your spouse and children, it is the maturity to know when to do what you ought to do and how to do them; the maturity to know that you should not cheat, molest, or abuse your spouse in any way thinkable or unthinkable.
BACK TO THE SUBJECT:
One thing that is a constant so far is that relationship (no matter at what level or bus stop) is in itself a responsibility, not just something that comes with responsibilities. You have to be prepared for it; else you will wreck a lot of lives, and ultimately your own.
You must not be in a relationship if you cannot handle it. It is not a trial and error situation. We seem to have found the right phrases to justify our irresponsibility these days: “I will keep trying till I find the right person” And sometimes the cost of this is a lot of earthquakes, floods, hurricane, and explosions generally; or “we just want to try and see if it will work out “. And sometimes I wonder why it takes 3 abortions, a lot of cheating and a lot of mess to find out that “you are in fact not made for each other”.
NOTE
Abortion is not just a woman thing, the guys are as involved and as guilty as the ladies. Think about it.
You are not ready for a relationship, merely because, you are old enough to be in one.
Age is just a numeric appellation, used to distinguish those who were born in a particular year or period, from those who were not.
WHEN ARE YOU READY?
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not
first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough
money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is
not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him,
saying, this fellow began to build and was not able to finish.
Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king.
Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with
Ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with
Twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation
while the other is a long way off and will ask for terms of peace…
Luke 14: 28-33 (NIV).
Or rather, when are you not ready?
- If you are in a relationship because all your friends are, then you are not ready.
- If you are in a relationship because that is what is expected of you, then you are not
ready.
- If you seek a personal relationship with people to whom you are only connected to in
public life, you are not ready. Relationship is not a distraction and it is not business as
usual-Try not to be so gullible- (hey! I might be wrong, but think about it).
- If you feel you know it all and you do not need a guide, you are not ready.
- If you are mama’s boy or daddy’s girl, and relationship to you is simply how your family
sees it, you are not ready.
- If it all depends on your folks and their choice, you are not ready.
- If you have a lust problem, and you lack self-control; and you feel there is nothing wrong
with it, you are not ready.
- If you do not see the other person as being worth all the trouble and sacrifice, you are not
ready.
- If you cannot just stop thinking about yourself only, you are not ready.
- If you have a complex problem, and you think that is the way things should be, you are
not ready –No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Booker .T.
Washington.
- If you believe that it is safer to lie to your spouse, in order not to lose him/her, you are not
ready. “What you compromise to get, you might ultimately lose”.
- If you cannot get over past mistakes and traumas, if you are just looking for a cushion to
rest on after a broken heart, you are not ready.
- If you learn to love from the world, you will love like the world-:“If you cannot abstain,
use condom”; “Expand your horizon, meet more people then take your pick”; “Though
Frank has agreed to marry you, hold unto Tony, till Frank says “I do” at the altar, just in
case”. If you have this mindset, you are not ready.
God is the creator and founder of relationship-If you must enjoy a fulfilling relationship, then you must renew your mind and “learn of Him” (Mathew 11:29-30). You are not ready until you can see relationships as He does. At least, start out in the path, by then you can tell what time it is.
Pay all your debts except the debt of love for others-
never finish paying that! For if you love them, you
will be obeying all of God’s laws, fulfilling all His requirements. If you love your
neighbor as much as
you love yourself you will not want to harm or
Cheat him, or kill him or steal from him. And you
won’t sin with his wife or want what is his, or do
anything else the Ten Commandments Say is wrong.
All ten are wrapped up in this one, to love your neighbor
as you love yourself. Love does no wrong to anyone.
That’s why it fully satisfies all of God’s requirements.
It is the law you need-Romans 13:8-10 (Living Bible)
Remember the coconut! It is of no use to you, until it is mature. See you in the next edition.
ABOUT THE MESSENGER
Ogochukwu Chidiebere Nweke, is a Nigerian (resident in Ghana), a lawyer by training and the President of the 42nd Generation, a youth orgnisation that is bearing the exciting vision of raising a leadership that Africa will be proud of 15-20 years from now-in all spheres of social relations and human endeavour.
He is also the Pastor of "The Lord's House"- a church that is very focused on the youth and their spiritual, emotional and social needs.
Singleyouth is one of the many arms of the church which the Lord is using to reach out to the young people all over the world. He is confident that the Lord who brought this work to existence, will also use it to heal, preserve and ultimately establish the family unit in the truth that abounds in His word.
Tell your friends, link as many people as you can to this site, and you would have sown a seed that you will be happy you did 20 years from now.
Reach Ogochukwu on bravellb@gmail.com .
Enjoy the read and be blessed. Yes!!!
He is also the Pastor of "The Lord's House"- a church that is very focused on the youth and their spiritual, emotional and social needs.
Singleyouth is one of the many arms of the church which the Lord is using to reach out to the young people all over the world. He is confident that the Lord who brought this work to existence, will also use it to heal, preserve and ultimately establish the family unit in the truth that abounds in His word.
Tell your friends, link as many people as you can to this site, and you would have sown a seed that you will be happy you did 20 years from now.
Reach Ogochukwu on bravellb@gmail.com .
Enjoy the read and be blessed. Yes!!!
WELCOME
LIKE YOU, LIKE ME!
My eldest brother and very good friend, is married with a beautiful 11month old son- his second child is on the way. He is just four years and 20 days older than I am, so we actually did grow up together as peers; we attended the same primary and secondary schools and related with almost the same people, played the same games, made a few mistakes…it all seems like yesterday. The age difference has not widened, but we are just so different now.
One truth I must face-I will soon be married myself; have my own children, someone to hug me and call me sweetheart, make decisions that will affect other people’s lives whether positively or negatively. And I wonder; am I equipped with the arsenal to face what is coming?
As I ask myself this question, I realize that there are over 25 million young men and women like me who ought to be asking themselves the same questions. You are one of them! I am talking to you! Yes…you!
The biggest man you ever did see
was once just a baby in his life.
-Robert Nestor Marley
Genesis chapter 8 verse 22: ‘as long as the earth remains, there will springtime and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, day and night’- (Living Bible). Do you still feel so young that you are unable to look beyond your nose? Do you think you will be young forever? Take a closer look at the mirror and think again! Your parents were once like you. So someday you too will be CEO to companies, a commissioner, General, renowned management consultant, erudite legal scholar, pastor, minister, perhaps a governor or even president, and definitely a husband, a wife, a father or a mother.
Take your share of suffering as a good
soldier of Jesus Christ, just as I do, and
as Christ’s soldier do not let yourself
become tied up in worldly affairs, for then
you cannot satisfy the one who has enlisted
you in his army. Follow the Lord’s rules for
doing his work, just as an athlete either follows
the rules or is disqualified and wins no prize.
work hard, like a farmer who gets paid well if
he raises a large crop. Think on these three
illustrations, and may the Lord help you to
understand how they apply to you.
Anybody can be a husband, wife or parent. But not everybody ends up a good husband, wife, or parent. Being a good husband, wife or parent is a prize; a reward for those who fought, acted and conducted themselves properly, diligently giving themselves to the study of God’s word and the guidance/counsel of the Holy Spirit, and in the process have become equipped for the responsibility ahead. Everything done now is a seed. The day of harvest will surely come. Are you ready for it?
I welcome you to an era of information, which has become more important now than ever. Our main focus is relationships-You know… between people of opposite sex, and all other form of relationship that make up social existence. It is my opinion (and I know you will agree with me), that a good family will create a good church, and a good nation. Tomorrow’s families are actually you and I.
We have always thought about our limitations; the things we lack, the things we did not have, the things we wish we never experienced. But perhaps it is time to think about our “pots of oil”- the very miracles in our environments. There is always a good side to every bad experience. Think of it this way- what ever you are going through now, has a lot to do with the problem God has chosen you to solve. If you ruin it, I guess we will also leave for our children, the same legacy our parents left for us: more money than values, more property than information.
Again think of it this way, the destiny of the whole nation is depending on you; more children will be born out of wedlock if you do not do what you are supposed to do. More hearts will break if you do not do what you are supposed to do. The divorce rate will most likely shoot up to 70% (even in the church), if you do not do what you are supposed to do. The time to act is now.
And now what are you supposed to do? ---See you in the next edition. Till then…
Think of love as a cocoanut sitting on a cocoanut tree
It is of use to you only when it is mature
And when it is, you need the right skill and the right
Equipment to climb the tree or else you will crash land
And when you finally bring it down
If you break it carelessly, you will spill and waste the juice
At the time the cocoanut tree begins to grow
It is ugly and unattractive unlike the royal palm
But the royal palm in all its beauty and splendor
Is what it is-JUST A ROYAL PALM
All that glitters is not gold.
My eldest brother and very good friend, is married with a beautiful 11month old son- his second child is on the way. He is just four years and 20 days older than I am, so we actually did grow up together as peers; we attended the same primary and secondary schools and related with almost the same people, played the same games, made a few mistakes…it all seems like yesterday. The age difference has not widened, but we are just so different now.
One truth I must face-I will soon be married myself; have my own children, someone to hug me and call me sweetheart, make decisions that will affect other people’s lives whether positively or negatively. And I wonder; am I equipped with the arsenal to face what is coming?
As I ask myself this question, I realize that there are over 25 million young men and women like me who ought to be asking themselves the same questions. You are one of them! I am talking to you! Yes…you!
The biggest man you ever did see
was once just a baby in his life.
-Robert Nestor Marley
Genesis chapter 8 verse 22: ‘as long as the earth remains, there will springtime and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, day and night’- (Living Bible). Do you still feel so young that you are unable to look beyond your nose? Do you think you will be young forever? Take a closer look at the mirror and think again! Your parents were once like you. So someday you too will be CEO to companies, a commissioner, General, renowned management consultant, erudite legal scholar, pastor, minister, perhaps a governor or even president, and definitely a husband, a wife, a father or a mother.
Take your share of suffering as a good
soldier of Jesus Christ, just as I do, and
as Christ’s soldier do not let yourself
become tied up in worldly affairs, for then
you cannot satisfy the one who has enlisted
you in his army. Follow the Lord’s rules for
doing his work, just as an athlete either follows
the rules or is disqualified and wins no prize.
work hard, like a farmer who gets paid well if
he raises a large crop. Think on these three
illustrations, and may the Lord help you to
understand how they apply to you.
Anybody can be a husband, wife or parent. But not everybody ends up a good husband, wife, or parent. Being a good husband, wife or parent is a prize; a reward for those who fought, acted and conducted themselves properly, diligently giving themselves to the study of God’s word and the guidance/counsel of the Holy Spirit, and in the process have become equipped for the responsibility ahead. Everything done now is a seed. The day of harvest will surely come. Are you ready for it?
I welcome you to an era of information, which has become more important now than ever. Our main focus is relationships-You know… between people of opposite sex, and all other form of relationship that make up social existence. It is my opinion (and I know you will agree with me), that a good family will create a good church, and a good nation. Tomorrow’s families are actually you and I.
We have always thought about our limitations; the things we lack, the things we did not have, the things we wish we never experienced. But perhaps it is time to think about our “pots of oil”- the very miracles in our environments. There is always a good side to every bad experience. Think of it this way- what ever you are going through now, has a lot to do with the problem God has chosen you to solve. If you ruin it, I guess we will also leave for our children, the same legacy our parents left for us: more money than values, more property than information.
Again think of it this way, the destiny of the whole nation is depending on you; more children will be born out of wedlock if you do not do what you are supposed to do. More hearts will break if you do not do what you are supposed to do. The divorce rate will most likely shoot up to 70% (even in the church), if you do not do what you are supposed to do. The time to act is now.
And now what are you supposed to do? ---See you in the next edition. Till then…
Think of love as a cocoanut sitting on a cocoanut tree
It is of use to you only when it is mature
And when it is, you need the right skill and the right
Equipment to climb the tree or else you will crash land
And when you finally bring it down
If you break it carelessly, you will spill and waste the juice
At the time the cocoanut tree begins to grow
It is ugly and unattractive unlike the royal palm
But the royal palm in all its beauty and splendor
Is what it is-JUST A ROYAL PALM
All that glitters is not gold.
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