WHAT TIME IS IT?

What time is it
To a lot of people, marriage is the last bus stop; a sensitive stage of life that is like a bondage you cannot be delivered from: Once you are in, you are in- there is no coming out. So we decide right from a very early stage in life, that we will not venture into marriage and its commitments, until we are READY to be married. Till then, we can do just ANYTHING we like, hoping that mystic Mr. Marriage will clean up our act and make us RESPONSIBLE husbands, wives, and parents. Those already pushing 35/40 do not even bother about all that; they just have got to be married.

How about beginning from the very beginning. Let us start from the basics…Truthfully; marriage is not the last bus stop. It is just one of the bus stops in the cycle called relationship (from this point on, you need the help of the spirit of God to read between the lines). People go into marriage with a lot of junk-: “Do not tell your husband your past mistakes, especially if it affected your womb” (the devil will never tell you that it is just a matter of time before your husband finds out); “Do not tell your wife how much you are worth (or earning)”. People that operate in this mindset had it long before they were married, or they were initiated into it, because they did not know any better. More often than not, the flaws we experience in marriages are actually the same flaws we had as single people in relationship.

We ought to be getting wiser now. Time has passed when one is considered responsible by virtue of how he looks, what he wears or drives. Responsibility is also not synonymous with marriage. It is not a stranger that bumps into you at I do’s doorstep, or a wrapped gift that piles up with the other gifts at your marriage reception. It is a training process that has to begin and prepare you for marriage. Responsibility is not just being able to take care of the needs of your spouse and children, it is the maturity to know when to do what you ought to do and how to do them; the maturity to know that you should not cheat, molest, or abuse your spouse in any way thinkable or unthinkable.

BACK TO THE SUBJECT:
One thing that is a constant so far is that relationship (no matter at what level or bus stop) is in itself a responsibility, not just something that comes with responsibilities. You have to be prepared for it; else you will wreck a lot of lives, and ultimately your own.
You must not be in a relationship if you cannot handle it. It is not a trial and error situation. We seem to have found the right phrases to justify our irresponsibility these days: “I will keep trying till I find the right person” And sometimes the cost of this is a lot of earthquakes, floods, hurricane, and explosions generally; or “we just want to try and see if it will work out “. And sometimes I wonder why it takes 3 abortions, a lot of cheating and a lot of mess to find out that “you are in fact not made for each other”.
NOTE
Abortion is not just a woman thing, the guys are as involved and as guilty as the ladies. Think about it.
You are not ready for a relationship, merely because, you are old enough to be in one.
Age is just a numeric appellation, used to distinguish those who were born in a particular year or period, from those who were not.

WHEN ARE YOU READY?
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not
first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough
money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is
not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him,
saying, this fellow began to build and was not able to finish.
Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king.
Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with
Ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with
Twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation
while the other is a long way off and will ask for terms of peace…
Luke 14: 28-33 (NIV).
Or rather, when are you not ready?

- If you are in a relationship because all your friends are, then you are not ready.
- If you are in a relationship because that is what is expected of you, then you are not
ready.
- If you seek a personal relationship with people to whom you are only connected to in
public life, you are not ready. Relationship is not a distraction and it is not business as
usual-Try not to be so gullible- (hey! I might be wrong, but think about it).
- If you feel you know it all and you do not need a guide, you are not ready.
- If you are mama’s boy or daddy’s girl, and relationship to you is simply how your family
sees it, you are not ready.
- If it all depends on your folks and their choice, you are not ready.
- If you have a lust problem, and you lack self-control; and you feel there is nothing wrong
with it, you are not ready.
- If you do not see the other person as being worth all the trouble and sacrifice, you are not
ready.
- If you cannot just stop thinking about yourself only, you are not ready.
- If you have a complex problem, and you think that is the way things should be, you are
not ready –No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Booker .T.
Washington.
- If you believe that it is safer to lie to your spouse, in order not to lose him/her, you are not
ready. “What you compromise to get, you might ultimately lose”.
- If you cannot get over past mistakes and traumas, if you are just looking for a cushion to
rest on after a broken heart, you are not ready.
- If you learn to love from the world, you will love like the world-:“If you cannot abstain,
use condom”; “Expand your horizon, meet more people then take your pick”; “Though
Frank has agreed to marry you, hold unto Tony, till Frank says “I do” at the altar, just in
case”. If you have this mindset, you are not ready.

God is the creator and founder of relationship-If you must enjoy a fulfilling relationship, then you must renew your mind and “learn of Him” (Mathew 11:29-30). You are not ready until you can see relationships as He does. At least, start out in the path, by then you can tell what time it is.
Pay all your debts except the debt of love for others-
never finish paying that! For if you love them, you
will be obeying all of God’s laws, fulfilling all His requirements. If you love your
neighbor as much as
you love yourself you will not want to harm or
Cheat him, or kill him or steal from him. And you
won’t sin with his wife or want what is his, or do
anything else the Ten Commandments Say is wrong.
All ten are wrapped up in this one, to love your neighbor
as you love yourself. Love does no wrong to anyone.
That’s why it fully satisfies all of God’s requirements.
It is the law you need-Romans 13:8-10 (Living Bible)

Remember the coconut! It is of no use to you, until it is mature. See you in the next edition.